} staying up

7 years ago (I can't believe it was 7 years ago when I first started law school...), I wrote this:

"but the best part about working these night shifts? its this very moment, after i've taken a shower and im waiting for my hair to dry, and i have an excuse to stay up for nothing. in this time, time itself seems to stop, because the rest of the world is sleeping, and i can do whatever i havent got around to doing for some time - playing guit or watching tv or whatever. though most of the time i just end up deciding to lie face-down on my bed and eventually fall asleep...

but for these few hours, at least - there is no law, no classes, no social problems, no fears, no LAWR, no friends, no family, no ambitions, no regrets, just... chocolate. drinks. orders. bills. dishes. tables. other brown/black-shirted people. a bald man on the wall. tired. sleep.

and the world is at peace."

work has made ma really hate staying up late, because that means 1am, 2am staring into the huge monitor at work figuring out whatever it is I'm trying to figure out, still wearing the same clothes from more than 12 hours ago. yelch. I should try to find work clothes made out of pyjama material.

and as much as I would like to start healthier work habits, I find myself spiralling back into taking-10-hours-to-do-one-task mode. don't know whether I am just tired, and can no longer make the effort to be more efficient than how I naturally am.

but anyway. before working in a law firm, i really enjoyed late nights. i was quite good at late nights. it was the only time when things really got done - memos, papers, etc. guitar practice even. (nowadays i give up so easily and just tell myself to try waking up at 5am instead. i really need to figure out how to manage my schedule better.) and when i was staying up for the sake of it and not to finish some piece of work by some 9am deadline... those were the best times. i chatted a lot on MSN. now I don't talk to people so much anymore. and late night TV isn't so good as last time. but at least i still get time to sit still and deprive myself of sleep for no good reason at all.

it's scary that time is passing by so quickly, and i wish that the whole world could slow down a little bit, just so that i can catch up.

please, let me be brave.

2015-05-01, 6:05 p.m..
before } after