} an emo chinese new year

ah. the last day in jakarta always brings with it a kind of emo-ness. i don't think i really miss the place all that much when i'm gone. (not that i don't miss it, i do, but not to the point of emo-ness i think.) every time i'm back i just start thinking about how things could have turned out otherwise. what things would have been different. but i think Time and History are not all that flexible... i doubt a lot of things would have turned out differently, in terms of who i am. i would just be hanging out with different friends and working with different people, at different places.

also, being back means seeing relatives, which means seeing people age. dramatically, to me, especially these last few years. i'm always wary that things will never stay exactly the same, i cannot take the same-ness for granted. i also think about my parents growing old, which is scary... although i think about that a lot more now, in normal everyday life. i'm just hoping that the changes will always be gradual. i have this irrational wish that my dad would just move back with us soon. or at least, that my mum would move back to jakarta, so my dad doesn't have to take the weekend flights anymore.

maybe i'm too serious.

i never really thought of myself that way, because i've always just been so lazy and irresponsible about everything. but i guess i am.

still, i'm not serious enough about SOME things. i am also emo-ing partly because i cannot finish my work. arghghghghg

(yes, this is one part of my blog posts that has not changed since 2002 and i guess will never change)

2013-02-11, 11:43 p.m..
before } after