} the one about pillowman + changing things & taking action

my boss is out of town! and i THOUGHT that the assignment he left me with would be enough to occupy me for today but now it turns out to be pretty easy, so... :/ har har. here i am again..

watched The Pillowman yesterday with half of the brudders (haha) and it was friccckkkking scary. haha well for me anyway, i get freaked out quite easily. :( (im not the screamo type, more like the gasping-and-quietly-haunted-for-days-on-end type, which i think is worse.) first play i have ever watched, minus those IJ ELDDS nights, haha. :) it was reeeaally good though, i mean the funny parts really made me laugh and the disturbing parts really, well, disturbed me. and it really is as gripping as it claims to be, thought the script is really good. the entire cast was good but the main actor was brilliant. just BRILL i tell you.

it sounds ridiculous but i am really damn shit scared of the pillowman now, though its supposed to be fictional and all. its a really good character, but at the moment i cant imagine anything scarier. i mean, it must be the scariest thing, seeing the pillowman, cos (i think im allowed to spoil it since last night was the last show) it means you're either going to do yourself in now, or you're going to do it later on in your life, after a shithole of a life and all. i mean, everyone gets through life trying to be happy and hoping to have a happy life and hoping to do something meaningful but if you see the pillowman come to you you'd know that your life is pretty much screwed right? that has got to be the scariest thing ever.

speaking of doing meaningful things with your life, yesterday i got a mass e-mail from Faisal who, as it turns out, is in this committee thing that's trying to compile a proposal to make Singapore better (surprise surprise!) (i mean, surprise surprise, he's in this kind of thing. which isn't really a surprise. ..it was supposed to be sarcastic). so they're getting people's feedback on this website (if i rmb correctly): wakeupyourdreams.com.sg . so if you've got anything to say do say it cos whaddaya know, it might just be heard, and soon we'll have bubble gum in singapore or something. *thumbs up* haha.

i didnt contribute though haha *hypocrite* cos i was/am too lazy to sign up and i dont really know if i have anything useful to say... haha. maybe because i havent lived here or my life, or maybe because im about as politically/socially aware as a doorknob, but i dont think i really understand the deeper issues/problems that singaporeans feel. i mean i could say im not happy with this and that but at the end of the day its only going to be superficial complaints, like uhhh 'why so careless with potential terrorist group leader(s)????!!' (ahem).

and yknow what? actually, im not really that unhappy with singapore. i mean, if it was indonesia i could say a million and one things like "MAKE EVERYONE STOP FRICKING LITTERING EVERY DAMN PUBLIC SPACE" or "STOP TAKING OUR MONEY FOR YOUR OWN PRIVATE TRANSPORT VEHICLE(S) AND USE IT TO FIX THE PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM DAMNIT". (without the 'damn's). of course i could say a million and one things to the people too, like to the rich chinese indonesians: Be a bit more generous to the poor and STOP flaunting your wealth, GOD how thick can you get, NO WONDER they (the natives) frickin hate your guts!

...yeah. haha. that was embarrassingly emotional. err. but its true! anyway, so, theres really nothing much wrong with singapore, or at least from what i see. ok, so the govt is a bit stiff and all, theres all this censorship and political control thing, and the arty farty community is a bit downbeat, but all that is up to the PEOPLE to change, isnt it? eg., if you dont like PAP, dont vote for them! or if you're not old enough to vote, show up at oppo rallies to show your support! or if you dont like the oppos either, work out your own political party or something. i mean, my point is, if you feel strongly enough about something, theres always a way to make a statement, instead of quietly griping about it.

ok i think at this point i have really become a total hypocrite because i think i have been complaining a lot all my life... but i have recently decided to STOP, at least on the little things and the things that i can actually control.

eg. i think i have decided that i REALLY want to go to london/edinburgh/boston (have narrowed down to those schools) for my further studies so i think i want to be more proactive to get myself there. i mean, it may not work out in the end, but i really want to try. and im going to stop being angry at my parents for not being willing and able (haha econs!) to support me, and at scholarship organisations for not picking me (HAHA), and at the UK for having such a damn strong currency, and being envious of others whose parents are willing to find ways to support them, etc etc. God only helps those that help themselves, right?

and meanwhile, pray pray pray for strength to accept the disappointment if it all doesnt work out.

2008-04-07, 9:27 a.m..
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