} the eternal struggle T_T

can't help but feel that i have been being such a doodoohead all this time, but ESPECIALLY lately. and it took me 71236128763 episodes of HIMYM to realise it. actually, i'm not sure if the episodes and the realisation are correlated, but i think after seeing the same five people constantly misunderstanding each other and not saying what's on their minds until 2.5 episodes later.....that tends to drive home a point.

i really, desperately, need to start learning how to not care so much what people think and be true to who i am and speak my mind, although preferably in a way that is also sensitive to other people's thoughts/feelings. (for someone who is supposed to learn to make a living out of words, i am really quite disastrous at using them to express my thoughts.) if not now, then when?? i have to grow up at SOME point.

because i think the part of growing up that i keep struggling with is learning to be comfortable with myself - (and this is the most important bit) not only with close friends that i know (or think) will not judge me, but with ANY ONE. of course i can't go around divulging all my secrets and weirdest habits, and of course there are certain people with whom i would share even less (e.g. potential bosses..), but i know now that i tend to share very little with people i'm not yet close to. in an effort not to be disliked, i also close off the doors to any new friends i may make... although half the time, i genuinely am more interested in talking about other people than about myself.

(can't think of a way to end this)

2012-07-29, 11:13 p.m..
before } after