} maybe patriotism is the word

i don't really get why it is difficult for people to understand, the feeling of being proud of where you were born and raised. i have had so many people assume that i now feel Singaporean and will convert my citizenship. i think i'm very far from reaching that stage. i don't think i hate singapore, although there are aspects of it that i dislike, but it is just that i feel no attachment to the place. when i think of childhood memories i still think of my old home in Jakarta, playing with my sister and cousin, going to my grandparents' houses on Sunday. my only source of attachment to Singapore are the family and friends that are living there - if not for them, i really would have no reason to be in Singapore.

i have had a lot of trouble with visas in the last few months, and yes it is a huge pain in the ass. and maybe there are people who don't mind trading their citizenship for a more convenient passport. but surely being a citizen of a country should have more significance than that. maybe it's because we live in an age where we take peace and comfort for granted, and we only live as individuals, we live for ourselves. but I still see value in having loyalties, in working towards a future for your country.

i just never know how to explain all this without sounding too idealistic and old-fashioned.

it's true that i've been in singapore for a long time, and because of that i'm more familiar with the singaporean culture than my own. but truth be told i get a little offended if someone says that i may as well be Singaporean, because in my heart i know for myself what I am and where I was born and where my loyalties lie.

i don't know really how else i can explain this without sounding really uncool, but isn't it just something, a feeling, that should come naturally?

2011-04-24, 2:00 a.m..
before } after