} i really suck at making decisions

UCL approved my request for deferred entry! :0 which means, i get a place at ucl next year. my immediate reaction was elation, followed shortly by doubt, cos i still have the funding problem, the only thing i've accomplished is buying a bit more time. and time isnt really the biggest factor, i guess. i duno :/

and if i still really want to go, the logical step would be to take the nus law offer, and look for scholarships and loans in this one year. plus explore the law field, see how i like it, maybe take some extra art/design classes outside as well if i have the time/money.

the problem is, im no longer sure if i still really want to go. i mean, i do want to go, but since i've gotten used to the idea of not going, i think by now im OK with not going, so i think im ok if i just forget ucl law altogether.

so in the end it didnt help at all, im still stuck between nus law and ntu adm, and i really want to decide by tonight, or tomorrow noon, cos i need to e-mail the good people over at ntu to withdraw my acceptance of the nanyang scholarship.

isntit crazy, though, to reject free money because i just want to explore this little crazy interest that i have? cos i've somewhat figured out that my attraction to law is out of pure interest, i dont know/think i'll be good at it and i dont know/think i want to pursue it forever and ever.

cos i've also somewhat figured out, that yes practicality and reality is important to think about, but in the end im not really looking for prestige, or a high income, or any other loft ambitions. my only fear in life is that my life would be boring. that is, fall into a boring trap of bad routines which i hate but cant really get out of.

i think whats making this really hard is the scholarship. anyone who knows me well enough would know im really not one to miss out on free things... if it werent for that i think i'd just flip a coin, honestly.

starworld just started airing Friends again. my favourite Friend is, by a wide margin, Phoebe! ok that was random. oh and my sister just got back from europe. that was also random & very irrelevant. haha. ahhhh just cant think now. =/

2008-05-29, 10:14 p.m..
before } after