} fucked up

if i get a dollar for every time i disappointed myself, i probably would be a millionaire by now.

too many times... but. oh well. im too thick skinned i guess. cos i keep giving myself so many second chances. this must be my kerbillionth second chance. man. sometimes i wonder why i even bother.

sometimes i think, dream, about dropping out or something. can it be that important. i practise my guitar or doodle in my book or read or make something and i wish i could just do that for the whole day. people think its so easy but i take so damn bloody long to understand and memorise one thing. maybe im just lazy. well all the more im not meant to do this right. i guess i wont make anything of myself, maybe just end up a failure or something

can this just pass over quickly

but then he comes along. talks to us about how we should have faith, etc. and realising im disappointing a lot of other people... including him.. after everything he has done

...

so this is my kerbillionth second chance

with any luck i wont need another one.

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sometimes i think im being stupid, making a public announcement when im fighting with myself. sorry people for the shit, but i need to write it out properly somewhere... maybe you should stop coming here?

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And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

2005-04-12, 10:15 p.m..
before } after