} decisions, decisions

I'm blogging for the second time today. Cos I feel like it.

I've just uncovered my report card from a mass of crumpled up french papers and whoknowswhatelse. Yay! It was cleverly camouflaging itself against the literature unseen prose booklet.. I knew those things were evil.

I'm going to discuss the subject combinations for next year with my mum & dad later.. I'm still not sure, I hate to admit this but I can't decide on my own. I've always been really bad at making decisions anyway. And needless to say, the combinations suck, so I don't have much choice.

I was all for either combi 2 or 3. Combi 2 only because it has physics, and my parents have laid out a simple principle that no one can be successful in life without physics. Combi 3 because it's the only combi with pure science and sub history. I do not do not do NOT want to take geography ever again. Which makes me hate combi 2 all of a sudden.

Oh, fuck. It's raining. Rain = closed windows = really fucking stuffily hot.

Anyway. Now I'm all for dropping out of school, or moving out. Novita told me the other day that, for combi 3, whether the class takes ss/history or ss/geog depends on the majority. And I'm quite sure practically everyone is taking geography. So then my sacrifice of not taking the majorly crucial physics will be wasted. And I'll be stuck with a subject I really hate.

So I dunno what to do now. Should I forget the hope of being able to take sub history, or take the risk and abandon physics?

I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Every time I ask someone which combination I should choose, they're bound to ask, "Well, what do you want to do?" The problem is just that I have no idea what I want. But then, ultimately, any choice I make wouldn't matter, since I don't know what I want anyway.

Or maybe, I know what I want, but it's not there. So it's a lose-lose situation. Either choice I make, it's going to suck.

I've always been terrible at making decisions. During my P4 streaming, I changed my mind between special and express streams about 4 to 5 times, at least. I must have really frustrated my teacher. In the end I chose express. I was happy, but it's still quite shameful - how much time I took to make that one choice.

It wasn't so bad when it came to choosing my secondary school. I was battling between crescent and ijtp, since most of my primary school friends were going to crescent, but I was stuck to ij. (Sort of.) Naturally, in the end I chose ij. It's a good choice, but I still feel bad over how much time I took worrying and wondering which choice I'm supposed to take.

Without knowing what I really want, I'm really quite helpless. I have no idea what to do now, and yet I'd hate to wait around for someone to guide me and tell me what to do.

I badly want to take history. I'd sacrifice even physics for it. It's more artsy, so it sort of appeals to me more. (And anyway, geography textbooks aren't nearly as much fun to doodle in. Geog books are so full of words and diagrams... History textbooks are brimming with empty spaces.) Or then again, maybe I could just take geography and learn history from somewhere else. Maybe from outside books, library, blah blah. I'm not a library person though. Or at least, not someone who'd go around looking for reference books.

OK, let's weigh out some pros and cons now.

Pros of Combi 3:
-sub history (some risk in it, but worth taking)
-less chance of getting You Know Who as a teacher (there's still a maths.. but with a bit of luck I'll get mr teh)
-i don't really like physics anyway (it just seems important)

Cons of Combi 3:
-physics is supposed to be important (what if I end up as an architect??)

Pros of Combi 2:
-The Ultimately Important Physics
-maybe geog isn't so bad? (*cough*sure*cough*)

Cons of Combi 2:
-more chance of getting You Know Who
-geog *shudder*

I guess the pros for Combi 3 outweigh the cons. I dunno, really. The ultimate factor is regret. If the majority of 3/4 chooses sub geog over sub history, regret (and disgust at those people) will settle in faster than you can say bettersafethansorry. Then again, if novita was just screwed up or she was telling the biggest lie, I'd be hitting my head against the wall if I were to choose Combi 2. GAHHH.

My dad's going to pick up my mum from Kinokuniya now. (Whattt?? She went to Kino and she didn't tell me??!) When they come back, and after we have dinner, I'll have to pour out everything I've written here to them.

Ooh, I finished reading Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody yesterday night. It's a very good book and I'd recommend it to anyone who doesn't mind a parody that mocks the real books really, really badly. Michael Gerber is a genius. I will write him fan mail when/if I find out his address.

Aaandd.. there's still FLL research to do. Gloria gave me the deadline for the edited research as 31st october (or was it 1 november? Need to check the e-mail again). We've got a basic idea ready, I think. I sort of like the idea of Captain Alliance. I just hope I don't get picked to play the part. :)

I feel like cuddling up and watching a Disney movie right now. I wish Disney Channel would start showing something decent like Lion King and all those cartoony goodness. But noooo. Tonight's movie is about some soldiers dropping an elephant from the sky. Stupid, and not advisable for overly imaginative/creative children. Hmph.

2003-10-25, 6:06 p.m..
before } after