} this killer flu issue won't leave my mind.

Oh God, I can't wait until I can finally be free of all French lessons. Since it can be rather complicated to quit halfway through the year, I've decided that I simply won't re-register next year. So I'm outta there. Phew. There's about five months left until then... I think...

I'm really really scared of this killer flu bug going around... I mean, practically everybody i know seems to have fallen sick at just this particular time. My brother's sick, my maid's sick. I think I might be falling sick as well. My friend tells me that I have a very powerful imagination, though, so it might be all bogus, I don't know. And I had this really freaky nightmare about it last night... I'm officially freaked out by the killer flu bug now.

Like, suddenly, my whole face itches and I can hardly open my eyes and my throat feels funny and I'm sneezing every few minutes. God, I'm really scared.

I remember the time when I had dengue fever - it felt really bad. At first it was all right. Everyone thought it was just a normal flu and fever. Then the fever got worse. And worse. When my mum realised that I had dengue fever, she didn't tell me, but I could tell all the same. I was really scared... All the while in the hospital I was really scared I was gonna die. Especially at night. In the day it isn't so bad, because the nurses were nice and the food was delicious. But at night - I was all alone in the room, and I was so scared I would die.

Then I got better, and you can't imagine how relieved I was. I was so happy...I was practically jumping in bed.

From my ranting you should be able to tell that I'm really concerned about this kiler flu issue. I'm scared I might fall sick. I mean, the mad cow disease a few years back wasn't so bad. Everybody knew they shouldn't eat beef, and they're fine. But this - it's a virus, no one can control it, nobody knows what it really is. It's like the normal flu, only more serious - you don't know when it's coming. If someone who has it sneezes at you, coughs in your direction, and you breathe the virus in... that's it. It's really freaky.

I don't know how these smart viruses just suddenly pop out of nowhere. It's freaky, it's scary, and it's annoying.

I know I should stop ranting, but I really can't help it. I just keep thinking, you know? What if I DO fall sick? What will happen then?

I really don't know. I suppose I'd get weaker and then die or something. Which will be horrible. There's still so many things I wanna do... some many things I wanna try... so many places I wanna go. It's like, if I die, I won't get another chance, and that's really bad. There are so many things that lie unfinished. At least I'd want to finish them all, before I die. And besides, all these years I've always wanted to make a difference in the world somehow. Everybody longs for that. Nobody wants to just come and go unnoticed.

It's horrible to think about dying. Not really about the pain, or leaving your loved ones... Think about it. You'll be left in purgatory with a bunch of other people who are just like you. Even worse, St. Michael the Archangel doesn't sound like a very interesting person. What/Who will be entertaining us dead people? Do they even have Internet connection in purgatory, or even Adobe Photoshop 6.0???

I realise that I'm going out of point. But really. These are the things that are going on in my head. And I know you think I'm paranoid, thinking these things when I'm not even sick. I don't know why. I can't stop worrying. This killer flu can wipe out half the world population...

...and it came just right on time too, right after Bush declared war.

Fabulous.

Now there are two world issues to worry about. *sigh*

Last night, I had a really long, realistic nightmare. I woke up in the middle of the night, and prayed incessantly that I wouldn't catch that killer flu, and that nobody close to me catches it. This morning, when I really woke up, I prayed incessantly again, practically begging God to spare us all.

It's just too horrible to think of. It's totally freaky. You might think that I'M freaky now. But I don't care. I've let out the worry in my mind, and although I can't say I feel a lot better now, at least I've let it out.

2003-03-26, 11:10 a.m..
before } after