} Hope

I don't know why. I don't know if it's because of my distracting brother, throwing a rubber stress ball up into the air and threatening to knock down the lamp in the room, or if it's simply because the holiday had passed by so fast. I don't know why...but somehow I just can't believe that it's already 2003. A whole new year. A whole new beginning. And I'm not even ready to leave the ending yet.

No matter how much I tell myself that I'll be able to leave the past, that I'll be able to do better this time, it just doesn't work. I can't help thinking about what's gone past, reminiscing, and then wondering what I should've done. There weren't any second chances. I had my chances, I blew them, and now there's no going back.

There's no second chance.

I can only hope that I won't make the same mistakes as I did last year. I can only hope that I've learned from them enough. I can only hope that this time, I wouldn't be so stupid to blow my single chances, because it's no use regretting what I've done wrong.

But I still have many regrets anyway.

Hopefully, 2003 will be a much better year. Hopefully, it holds a promising start to a bright future ahead. Hopefully, it wouldn't hold so much misery.

I can only hope. Hope that everything has a meaning. Hope that my life isn't just some sick joke, and the joke's on me.

Oh dear, I've gone all philosophical again. I'd better stop and take a long shower or something.

2003-01-01, 6:59 p.m..
before } after