} struggles

I have learned the pantry aunty's name (sort of). Her name is Mdm Khoo, and I have committed that to memory (I hope). My follow-up mission is to learn her first name so I can call her by name!

The 10,000 steps challenge also got thrown by the wayside... largely because I injured my toe a few weeks ago (in early Feb) so I had to minimise my walking, or indeed any foot activity. In the meantime, I got used to the laziness, naturally. I'm only starting to try to get back to my previous pace. Although even then, it was monstrously hard to even hit 5,000 steps a day. Maybe I should make that my challenge instead (5,000 steps a day!).

Anyway, I have been exercising more regularly than I have been in a long time, thanks to the Health Promotion Board's "Sunrise in the City" programme, which basically opens up a bunch of gyms for free classes at particular times, mostly before 9am. As a result, I have started yoga and found it not as weird as I thought it would be (it is weird, but I evidently imagined it to be even weirder than it actually is). Although the classes get full really fast so I don't get my preferred yoga class every time.

For example, I have signed up for a class tomorrow called HOT HULA, which (when I looked it up on youtube) looks basically like twerking, except Hawaiian-style. That should be a very amusing exercise and I hope I never have to tell anyone that I went for that class.

I have also started a sourdough starter which I really hope will work out. After my first somewhat-successful attempt at making bread, my next 2 attempts at baking had not been so successful (although my croissants at least taste good despite being rock-solid, so I still counted that as a tick :p). But after watching Michael Pollan's Cooked and hearing Richard Bourdon's explanation for why sourdough breads (i.e. traditionally made breads) contain nutrition that active yeast breads would not have, I really want to try this "authentic" bread-making method. It also feels pretty cool to think that I am growing my own micro-organisms o/ which are tasty, not deadly o/

i have had to grapple with a lot of questions and doubts at work, thanks to this lack of work situation which we have been having for a while. actually, it has really been getting me down. I think I have been struggling with some issues for a while personally, and it doesn't help that there is nothing at work to distract from these thoughts in my head. the work situation has also worsened all my naturally-occurring self-doubt... I think the truth is, I am really angry at myself and I hate myself for taking this job so hastily instead of giving myself more options. Although I guess, looking back, that is probably crazy because how would I have known the terrible situation I would be faced with 9 months later?

I think I have to come to some decisions, and this is what I have so far:
1. This cannot be a permanent or long-term situation.
2. But while I am in this situation, I want to do as much good as I can and I must not be too quick to judge people as Nefarious Spawn of the Devil.

There is a lot of anger and frustration that I feel all the time, although I know I should save such anger for the really important things. For the things that matter. And the sooner I can re-learn to dismiss the people that don't matter to me one jot, the sooner I can rediscover that inner peace I once had...

2016-03-06, 1:37 p.m..
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