} sigh

i am half considering whether this means that i am going to get the sack. there's a bit of a feeling of unfairness that comes with it. it feels like how a reality tv show might feel.. it may be a small mistake and it may seem glaringly obvious to everybody but to yourself it just feels like, hey, but i did slog on everything else you know. but that doesn't matter. out you go anyway.

i think i am more concerned about the impression that i am leaving. i don't think i've done good work, my best work. (again, classic reality tv cut interview!!)

it's not that i am particularly lazy, or bochup. i mean i am generally lazy and bochup, but i actually make an effort not to be. i actually do, and it actually saps my energy. and it genuinely pains me that i could be so careless. i feel like i am continuously finding new all-time lows.

i'm constantly wondering if i can be good at this. or failing that, just decent. good enough.

this too shall pass
?

2013-11-24, 3:01 p.m..
before } after