} somehow, somewhere, i want to find my own happiness

today was the Matchbox Twenty concert that i almost missed. at the start of the concert, Rob said that this was the first time they've been here since 13 years ago, and that tonight is their last stop in South East Asia before ending their tour. and so it was a special night, and they wanted to make it memorable, for them and for us, as a night of good music.

it was indeed very good, and even if there were no fireworks or laser shows or anyone fainting (i think), it really did feel quite special because he said it would be special and it was.

what is objective, and 'real' anyway? i want to have more special days. i want, desperately want to be happy.

tonight helped a lot, because their songs dealt with unhappiness. i've complained about this before, but songs that are played nowadays don't deal with unhappiness enough. which is ridiculous, because even if angst and emo are no longer in fashion, we haven't stopped feeling unhappy.

(in fact i would be a lot more unhappy if angst and emo become in fashion again.)

feeling that i need to find a delicate balance between RESPONSIBILITY and a Really, Go Fuck Yourself kind of attitude. i think maybe it's not a question of a dosage, but exercising them at the wrong times...

how much happier life would be if i could just run a cafe/bookshop in London. i would probably be penniless and freezing my ass of right now, but at least there would be books, and hot coffee, and London and all its bloody uneven pavements and rain and dirt.

2013-11-10, 4:23 p.m..
before } after


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