} confused thoughts..

There are still a lot of things to be taken care of, but I am glad for this period of rest. I talk as if I haven't been on holiday for the past 6 weeks, but I guess I am finally getting some physical rest along with the mental rest.

Going back to London was the best decision I have made in a long time, although before I stepped off that train I had been questioning and regretting it a few times. I think I can safely say that we are more than acquaintances now, because this time I am quite sure that I will be back, although I don't know when. Only time will tell, if we can be better friends or if we will only be the kind that will always have a good time together, but can rarely meet because of time, or distance... I guess I sound crazy but now I know the attachment to the place is real, because even after walking those streets alone I still found it very difficult to leave.

The Euro is disappointing as usual... but I guess I should have known that it was not the time yet. I have a strong feeling that the time will come, when I will be in the right place at the right time to see my team win the right tournament in the most perfect way! Because everybody has that one story to tell in their lives, and that epic moment simply is not due yet.

Watching competitive sports is always a little inspiring, especially football since it's my favourite, especially the penalty kicks since they are the most dramatic. they say that england is cursed and after last night's result, it looks like germany has a curse to fight off too... in life there are also ghosts i must exorcise, past failures to overcome. there is truth in expressions like "fortune favours the brave", and when the time comes to meet my ghost I will have to face it with confident eyes. how often have i wished that i could be fearless?

the truth is with the end of this holiday, it's not only the workload that i'm dreading... it's the decision-making. when i was still in uni, decisions could be put off since no steps could be taken until i graduate. now things are different, and i'm at a turning point. of course my path is set at least for the coming year, but i think i can't rest.. once the year ends i will have to make a real decision. so even now i have to start being prepared, or the dream that i've repeatedly told many people will remain that, just an ambition. even though i call it a dream i know that in fact i have many dreams at the same time... that's what makes it difficult. i know what i want, but it's not the 'right' thing, it's the selfish thing...or is it?

that's what i dread the most... i dread the point where I can no longer wait for things to play out, where i have to make a positive move. that moment may even be approaching nearer than i think, if i am awake enough to realise it.

2012-06-30, 2:19 a.m..
before } after