} the orderly and methodical mind...

...is something i am seriously lacking. this haphazard way of dealing with things, failing to plan and then leaving everything to the last second, trusting that in the end i will somehow pull through or everything will just fall into place. i do manage, usually - so far. but this luck was bound to run out eventually. maybe this time was the time.

i am angry and disappointed with myself of course. the sinking feeling... i dont know when it will go away. i think i give myself a lot of allowance to be okay with getting by... but then when something (anything) goes wrong i need to beat myself up over it until i feel like i've redeemed myself. IF i get a chance to redeem myself. but this one is a one-off so i need to find a way to let it go..

hopefully it will be a good lesson. i have gotten too complacent.. i mean, preparing a whole semester's work for an exam in two days, when other people start a month in advance? who am i kidding?? at least only i have to pay the price this time around, but i have got to grow up and be more responsible.

2011-11-27, 1:36 p.m..
before } after


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