} decisions decisions

currently pouring outside, and i am safely in my room. it's the second time this holiday that i've had such luck. i like how heavy rain gives me the perfect excuse to just stay home and rot. (well until i need to get to school later anyway.) i feel *a little* guilty for taking leave from work today since my briefing for today only starts at 4, and it's only going to be 2 hours. hahahahaha. whoops. but in my defence, (1) i did not know this at the time i was applying for leave, and (2) i'm making up for my leave with an extra week of internship anyway.

it has been quite fun at Harry Elias, although sadly most of the people i've somehow made friends with are the ones who are not staying in the firm. :| but my boss and his associate who has been the one mainly giving me work are both extremely nice people and i do feel quite lucky.

it's decision time again. i don't think i really mind giving WongP a second try. i don't really mind the hard work or the long working hours if it means that i get a good training out of it. every practical sense tells me that this offer is a really good opportunity. but at the same time i don't know if i'm ready to give up on my law school dream. hahaha. the dream that they say everyone has back when they started law school, but slowly shed away over the years. it's true that i can always move on from WongP, but it feels a waste not to pursue the dream from the start. while i was talking to Hannah she said something like, "what if I die in the next year? then I would never have known how it feels like to do what i wanted to do!" that has kept replaying in my mind. but i'm also unsure if i really know what i want. do i really still want my law school dream? or do i just want to beat the odds? if in my heart i don't feel so strongly for the dream anymore, then i should be true to myself and just see the offer for what it is: a job. A job is a job is a job. I'm fighting an internal battle here.

the thing is, I'm very happy and content to just go with the flow, but i don't know if there has to be a time when i have to HAVE A STAND.

also, i keep telling myself that i already gave up another dream to be here, so i'm wondering if i should stick to my original purpose.

I NEED A SIGN
(and yet i suspect i've already ignored many)
PLEASE MAKE IT VERY VERY OBVIOUS, HIT ME ON THE HEAD, ETC (but not fatally).

2011-06-30, 3:36 a.m..
before } after