} lets find something to dive into

ever since i heard the phrase, i couldn't get it out of my mind, because i think i can really identify... i want to have fun, but don't dare to. such a weird feeling to explain and i really can't explain it either... when i think back to all the times i've hesitated, and held back, i can't really understand why i did. of course everything is different on hindsight, but still. last night, when someone said that this was the only chance to have fun, something should have clicked right there, but it didnt, and that kinda worries me. it's like there is a huge gap between the way i am, and like, the soul inside me. ahah.

just watched Momster of the Bride and the mother is indeed one of the most horrifying creatures i've ever seen/watched. i cant believe how nice her daughter was to her. my mum is a milder version of the momster, and i am much nastier than the daughter, which i guess makes me a pretty horrible human being. but one thing i've realised i just can't do is hide my feelings if im pissed off. :/ so, meh. thank goodness my mum will be in indo with my dad this weekend, so at least im getting a short break.

BUT i will be working the whole weekend, and im sure i'd rather spend a whole weekend with my mum than with some of the jones regulars... (since i cant ignore them) i dont know if i can survive many more weekends like this, but i do need/want the money. and i need the exercise even more. but do people need to be so irritating? do they??

why do i still sound like a 15-year-old on this blog? this proves my theory that i am 5 years behind (or worse) in emotional maturity. but i cant help but feel, that this is just way too much energy spent on fretting, and i should really direct it elsewhere.

2010-08-27, 12:06 a.m..
before } after