} YEAH

after 3 solid productive days following days and days of just mooching around, im somewhat thrown off balance. TODAY i decided to spring-clean my table which was about to turn into a mountain... now i can not only see the table-top again, but i also cleaned it, so its no longer grimy. yes! and i had a revelation: i think i am probably the ONLY one in this family who throws out so much crap so regularly. i mean, if everyone else throws out their share too, i think there wouldn't be half as much junk as there is in this house!! think about what we can do with all that space. i could fit a new guitar! damn.

while cleaning i also found my old uni applications, all the acceptance/rejection letters that i got. i think it was about last year when i transferred those from my drawer to a box (no space), and i guess i still couldn't bear to let them go. as if preserving the reminder that i could have gone somewhere else, been somebody else. but looking at the box today, i actually couldnt believe that i kept it all this time. it's really silly... i dont need those stupid letters to prove that i could have made it elsewhere. because i CAN make it elsewhere, anywhere, now and any time.

yesterday was at marina square in fact, and there was an exhibition going on for people who are looking for jobs and scholarships in the creative industries. looking at all the brochures and booklets reminded me of those hectic uni/scholarship application days. i WAITED for that twinge of melancholy/regret/etc to come, but it didnt. i guess i have grown up, just a little, and i have moved on, because i have other dreams now. 8) and the box which i emptied of the old letters, now have new things.. things to look forward to, not look back on.

i keep taking breaks from writing and then i cant remember what im writing about.

and then when i scroll up and read i STILL dont know what im writing about.

well i should sleep early anyway. i havent been able to wake up earlier than 11 these days and my attachment starts tomorrow. so im going to sleep. RIGHT NOW.

2010-05-23, 9:22 p.m..
before } after