} hehe. hehehehe

yesterday night at 1am, for no rhyme or reason i started reading a manga called Kimi ni Todoke online.

it's basically about a girl called Sawako who has very pale skin and very dark hair and looks like Sadako from The Ring. ... and she is very shy, and somehow projects a very gloomy image, so people are very frightened by her. but she is actually a kind soul and always tries to be nice to people (they just end up running away), and so she idolises a boy in her class called Kazehaya who is, essentially, the Exremely Nice Guy that Everybody Likes. Of course, since this is a typical (well ok, not really typical) shoujo (teen romance) manga, it turns out that Kazehaya likes her. and as he starts talking to her she begins to open up too, and her world slowly begins to change.

it kind of reminds me of my time in jc, actually. of course i don't look like Sadako (...do I? that would explain a lot) but i was just as closed. i think something about me, the quietness or the gloominess, put off other people too. there were people who told me that i always looked angry (??) even though i don't think i ever got really pissed off in school... and i think there were also people who thought i was troubled (??) but i think i had long recovered from my emo phase by then. and, like, Sawako, I would feel happy whenever someone (anyone) talked to me. Haha *pathetic*

(the truth is, i don't think very many deep thoughts at all.
i just happen to like drama.
and have a terribly active imagination.)

but i wasn't exactly like Sawako. Sawako was always trying, but i think i (intentionally or not) drove people away, too. like, i would always think that the nice thing to do is to do things on my own and not inconvenience others. but im still learning that being nice also means letting people in. (some people are just better at that, and i'm envious :X)

anyway actually im just reading the manga because it's quite funny. i just realised all this just now. :|

anyhow my new life wish is to find Mr. Right and get married young (not before graduation though). my wish is that i will not need to go through all the hassle of dating, and trial-and-error etc. i realise this probably only happens to the luckiest people on earth, but o well. just my wish. im terribly impractical that way. im not very career-minded anyway - i do want to work, and i want to help as many people as possible (sue their doctors for amputating the wrong leg and all that) but i dont care so much about promotions and all, you know? if im ever the boss of anything i just want to be the boss of my own little CoffeeHouse (trademarked) or gallery. or postcard shop. humm

and mostly im just lazy.

hmm lost my train of thought.
i feel like going to the arcade.
why doesnt anyone go to the arcade anymore?

2009-12-01, 5:11 p.m..
before } after