} tbc hmmm i thinkk monday's little session kind of opened my eyes ever so unwillingly: i've always been trying to be someone else. and i really havent accepted myself. not even a little bit. but to be fair, i dont think that representation of me was entirely accurate either... i think i may be losing a little bit of myself. the little bit of me that just wants to be carefree, learn guitar and practise riding a bike is losing out to the little bit of me thats trying so hard to fit in, thats getting caught up in, well, stupid things thats really not worth bothering with. i think you know you've come to a problem when someone asks what your hobbies are and you can't think of an answer. i want - no, i NEED to be able to feel happy and excited about things again. :/ meaning schmeaning..really. you should do something because it makes you happy, dammit. :( EDIT: im so so glad theres no classes today... the day seems to stretch aheadd and it feels good to be able to decide what i want and need to do. suddenly i just feel like having a chat. with anyone. just..a friend. and it could be about anything.. doesnt have to be anything serious or deep, anything from american idol to ..submarines. when im with people i dont take advantage of it so much, i dont talk enough aiyah. :/ been taking stuff too seriously. whats the point of this, or the point of that, scolding myself, turning a cynical eye at everyone, caught up in stupid jealousies. it wears me out so i find it tiring to be happy. feelings are fluffy things and people discredit them, but in the end they're all that matters, right. ok that felt pretty good. like shitting. (haha sorry about the crude comparison but thats the best analogy ok.) feel lighter now. EDIT AGAIN: i've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror i guess what i be sayin is there ain't no better reason but i won't hesitate and so it goes on, i think even the martians know it by now. (i was going to put a video but i cant find the really nice acoustic version i watched some time ago on youtube, so never mind. :/) 2009-03-17, 11:09 p.m.. before } after |
we1rd0. getting old. deviantart, livejournal, the wunders, LOOK, A BIRD!, wise words. contact ghetto. dumping ground for angst/etc since 2002. newest & old stuff. diaryland. elsewhere. links here. heal the world. make poverty history. ONE. your say. |
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"The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion." Prince Philip at the opening of City Hall, 2002. |