} need a real, proper holiday, not this disguise

haha hmm annoying complaint coming up. as i was telling schzn that day, it feels like my life has been a long long line of mountains of stress ever since...june? first i stressed about law camp (my fault), then i stressed about going back home alone because i hadnt seen my relatives in a long long time (partly my fault), then i stressed about rag (my fault), then i stressed about school starting (outside my control), then i stressed for a long stress plateau about fitting in (partly my fault/entirely), then i stressed about exams (kinda partly my fault), then i stressed a bit about going back home (am always stressed at prospect of seeing relatives after a long time), then i stressed about today's christmas charity thing (my fault, but thankfully it went quite well), and now i am stressing stressing stressing about the lsirc holiday party on saturday which i was appointed to co-organise (outside my control!!)... if i had any choice at all i wouldnt go, but as it is i have no choice and it would be indecent to pangseh, and i did tell myself/God that as long as today's christmas event went well for the kids (which it did) i'll take saturday regardless what happens.

oh and theres work, which has its share of good and bad days.

in between those mountains of stress were little breaks, reminders to breathe, and sources of encouragement, but i really dont know how i can go on being a nervous wreck like this, unless i am bridget jones and there is a metaphorical mr darcy to save me at the end of it.

(yeah i just read bridget jones's diary, haha.)

sigh. hate myself for being a neurotic insecure incompetent nervous wreck.

i need a day of me and a huge huge canvas with tons of paint (and paintbrushes), and people i care about and vice versa who may come visit with food so i dont starve.

2008-12-24, 4:51 p.m..
before } after