} frustrated, dissatisfied.

sometimes i just want to be really gifted for something. or have a real passion for something.

my life feels like a tragic mediocre mess. (im thankful that im not starving or anything, but i just want one aspect of it to be good.)

i like drawing, but i dont think i love it seriously enough, like artists should. and i dont think im really good at it, i seem to take forever to do the simplest things.

i learnt piano from young but i never had a flair for it. i tried the guitar and it's the same thing. i can only sing in the shower.

im awkward at talking to people, or making jokes, or socialising. i cant dance.

im no good at languages. i think i dont have the memory for it. i come to singapore for 9 years and i can feel my indo slipping away. if i went back long enough i know my english will slip away, too. i learnt french for 2 years but i hardly remember anything now.

i dont have a sense of fashion. the only things im comfortable in are t-shirts and jeans...

im not even close to my family, let alone my extended family. we are like strangers. or i feel like a stranger.

i tried waitressing but i kinda suck at it.

im TERRIBLE at sports, even though i enjoy playing them. i even take forever to learn how to ride a bike!

i go to law school and i feel like a fish out of water.

most of all, i lack optimism and i waste too much time loafing around and blogging stuff like this.

argh i just want to know why im here and what on earth im doing!!

2008-11-26, 3:18 p.m..
before } after