} -

last sunday when i went to church i saw the cutest little boy. he was really small, still at that age where parents have to constantly supply him with paper and crayons/markers to keep him occupied during mass (i wish my parents did that for me, but sadly i always had to find other ways to entertain myself :(.)

anyway, so like i said, he was drawing, and the way he did it was so adorable. first he would look at the paper, as though he's buried in thought, and after some time he picked a colour and drew a circle. and so on, he would actually pause and think before picking a new colour, as though he's some professional artist. haha.

but whats really cute about him is what he did after he finished. it was a picture of a happy face, with grey lines (hair, presumably) sticking out of the face, and he took that piece of paper, walked across a pew, and gave it to an old woman sitting in the row in front of him, who DID have grey hair. so he really meant to draw it for her, i think. and she turned around and smiled, although she didnt take it. rejected, he proceeded to show it to the other people around him (a father and daughter) who didnt know him i think, because the father just smiled politely and the girl gave him this very annoyed/weird look haha.

no one wanted his drawing, so he went on to take another piece of paper (it was a longgg sermon) and, in the same way, drew another picture. and he did the same, showing it to the same people, who continued giving him the same response. and after that, still not discouraged, he proceeded to fold the paper into quarters and 'decorate' the front (just scribbling, but again he looked like he was putting a lot of thought into it), and went to show it to the same people again. haha.

and so. whats the point of writing about this? i guess its just that the boy reminded me that pursuing subjective things like art isnt going to be easy, and i will be met with rejection all around. but the goal isnt to make things that will please people, that people will like. ultimately, art is like a statement: 'HELLO WORLD! THIS IS ME...!!'

i have forgotten that. if i could be like that little boy, showing my self with no doubt, no inhibition... that would be heaven. as i get older i find it harder and harder to do it, because i become more anxious to see what people think. that sucks. oh God, please let me throw this self-consciousness and self-doubt away and have in its place courage and a humble heart.

2008-03-14, 4:32 p.m..
before } after