} allaround

funny thing, on friday i DID get a call from max brenner's, while i was at work in the office. so i was happy even before i got my results, felt like skipping and all. after i got and saw my results i was mostly just numb though, and until now im still having trouble believing that its all over and well. my mind keeps asking HOW it happened but its too mind boggling and since my brain has melted from underuse since the a's ended, im just going to be very thankful about it.

and..yea, friday was just an all-round good day for me... everyone in the office was being nice and the person 2nd-in-charge after the boss is moving to work in KL so we all took a picture, although i had only been there for a week. and then in the evening i had the most fun time at work than i've had out of the 3 days (haha quite embarrassing) i've worked at max b's although i also screwed up the most, ironically. kept sending wrong orders, or correct orders to the wrong tables, and all the while ALWAYS, ALWAYS the boss just happened to be standing right there. mann.

today at the office wasnt as good, i got told off by the boss for helping the admin side with their work. he said i was supposed to take orders from him, not the admin people, and he seemed to think i was being bullied or something. the thing is, last week he said that this week im supposed to help the admin side, because they're experiencing some kind of 'backlog' (wtv that means), AND i was finished with what he assigned me to do, AND he was too busy to give me new assignments. so i did the only logical thing, which was to help out the other side. i mean, they needed more manpower, and (though i am no man, haha) i didnt have any other work to do, so that seemed to only make sense in the most productive and logical train of thought. right?? someone please tell me that i was right for taking the initiative.

i understand that maybe in the corporate world people are supposed/used to just doing whats within their job scope, but it seems really stupid, (we are humans with brains, not just machines that can only do one task for goodness' sake) and when i become a manager i will make sure i do things differently.

so anyway...yeah so i was a bit pissed for that. i mean i like my boss because he's really nice and he got me and the other designers this little dog soft toy (called HAPPY DOG, HAHAHAHA oh man) from hongkong BUT I JUST HATE BEING TOLD THAT IM WRONG WHEN I KNOW IM RIGHT ok thats basically the main reason why i was pissed hahahahaha

anyway so i ended up spending a lot of time at The Student Room forum instead, which is a lot of fun to read (suhui was right, haha). i tried to ask for help because i am now choosing between 4 schools but at the moment still undecided. anyway the bigger problem is getting a scholarship, so tomorrow if i dont get new assignments again i'll probably browse brightsparks. sorry i tend to complain so much about this when i should be feeling lucky that i am able to choose universities and apply for scholarships and stuff. will try to minimise posting on this

anyway im still in a big dilemma of law vs art. actually i think i would be happy to study either one because im interested in both. and if i study law i can still be an artist if i want, and vice versa, though a bit harder since i would have to self-study a lot to pass the bar. but i guess being an artist without the education would be really hard too. so either is good with me. at the moment the law side is winning, firstly because of my parents (my own mother has very scathingly told me that im not that good at drawing anyway :(, which im not sure if she meant it but it kind of just deepened the insecurity that i've always had) and then because i kind of changed my mind about one point that was always kind of an obstacle for the law side.

i tend to imagine my life to be in 2 parts. the first 9 years of my life in indonesia, and now the last 9 i've spent in singapore. so now that its about balanced, i feel like im at balancing point and the next step i take will determine whether i get to lose or keep my identity. strange, i guess, but thats just how i imagine it. and, well.. i guess i just always thought that doing law will only bring me further away from the 'indon' side. because i wouldnt be able to practice there. which means i wouldnt be able to go back. which is, i duno, a really important factor for me, not in a logical explainable pros-and-cons sense but more of a heart thing.

thats what i've always assumed. but today i allowed myself to think of the possibility of going back. if theres some exam i could take to qualify. if its even possible at all, even though its really hard. even if i have to start from scratch, relearn the language and the terms... i just need to know if theres that possibility. logically, there should be, right? im just too scared to ask my parents because to them the idea of going back to indon to work & to live, for their children at least, is so damn preposterous.

well, but i had that idea, so i feel better about the law side. im still not sure though, because what everyone says about me is probably true, and law is really 'not me'.........

2008-03-10, 9:46 p.m..
before } after