} aaaahhhhh (2 edits)

i am waiting:

- for mr kevin sim's call from school
- for a call from Recruit Express

its excruciating, especially the first one.

this morning i cakked njc's general office, found out that mr sim wasnt in yet. the receptionist offered to take my name and number and get him to call me when mr sim comes in.

it has been 3 hours now. 2 possibilities:

- mr sim is not coming in for work today.
- the receptionist forgot about me.

im very tempted to call again in case the 2nd possibility happened. but it seems rude? i'd rather hold my trust in her cos she's been so nice to me these 2 days.

it looks like all i can do is wait.

and let God take the next step?

this reminds me of changsha, waiting in the hotel for some news of flights operating to guangzhou.

its hard, not being in control.

i cant bear to pass the time. i dont want time to pass because i need the call to come in now.

EDIT: NO CALLS!

whats worse, i got impatient and called the general office again at 12, and the receptionist said he just left.

my trust betrayed, i may have lost faith in, well, faith itself.

ahha.

i held onto hope and called again just now, but he didnt come back. that would be ok if only he picks up at the fax number that anita gave me, but he doesnt. seems like he's decided to switch off the fax machine or something.

i should have listened to my mum and just gone to school this morning. im so stupid, damnit!! now it may be too late. but i have to try tomorrow. but im supposed to come in for work. gaahhh!!!

i cant do anything now. im so frustrated. its not as if my world would fall apart if my applications to the US don't make it. im ok if i dont go to the US. but i think about all the hours i've spent on them, drawing day after day like my life depended on it, all the money that has been spent, not only for the applications themselves but also all the postage... i think about all that, and i feel like throttling someone. thats why i feel like i cant do anything. eg., if i play my guitar, i might smash it.

agh. seems like i cant get anything right.

EDITEDIT: NO CALLS!

but something good happened. i ended up playing guit anyway, and i was inventing this horrible moanful song. by the 4th or 5th time i was all moaned away and i have a sore throat now but at least the bad feelings are gone.

and then something even better happened. i got a reply (email) from mr kevin sim. HALLELUJAH, I HAVE ACHIEVED CONTACT! (sounds like im in outer space, harhar) im not sure how it happened, cos he has NEVER replied to emails before to anyone, it seems. maybe the general office staff complained to him about being harrassed by me all day, or something. anyway his reply is quite reassuring, so even though the problem isnt solved at least my faith in, well, faith, has been restored.

sorry for all the drama/complaints. sorry God for doubting You. sorry to my neighbours for my noise pollution earlier.

i need a drink.

2008-02-12, 11:36 a.m..
before } after