} it's make it work time

i hate doing my portfolio. =( it makes me hate pineapples. and makes me second-guess myself even more than i already was, cos it makes me realise that i have no sense of proportion, lighting, etc etc. also i have the attention span about as big as a pea, which is why im here now although i am nowhere near done although i've been working on a drawing since afternoon. its also making me very irritable. eg., my mum thought it would be funny to ask if she can take & eat one of the fruits in the bowl. the problem was, she took it a bit too far and took it before i said anything. now the position of the fruit is different and i have to redraw it. and i am pissed. i know how ridiculous it is to be pissed, but that doesnt stop me from being pissed. one week into it and im already turning into a loner/recluse/angry-at-the-rest-of-the-world artist? wait, scratch that 'artist' part. anyway, now im scared. can artists be happy? ...see? second-guessing again.

but anyway i guess i just have to get over this nonsense and really get down to work.

theres news that oxford is sending out their replies right about this time. but i think if/when i get a letter from them, i will tuck it away from sight and only open it when im through with this work. not to be pessimistic so much as realistic, but im so pressed for time and im scared that the disappointment might make me unable to work.

plus i would have to deal with what my mum has to say, everyday probably, in her way that tries to comfort but really only makes me feel worse every time.

plus i would have to tell others about it.

just thinking about it is already making me stone & waste so much time.

ok, back to work. serious work!

in case i wont be online to say it,
merry christmas!!!

------
edit: ok i realise i sound very emo up there. actually i wont be that upset/disappointed/etc. i will be, but not very very sad, yknow? not as sad as, if eg., ellen cancels her show. just that, right now i really need focus, and im afraid i will lose it thats all. ok. well. merry christmas again =)



2007-12-18, 9:26 p.m..
before } after


we1rd0. getting old. deviantart, livejournal, the wunders, LOOK, A BIRD!, wise words. contact

ghetto. dumping ground for angst/etc since 2002.
newest & old stuff. diaryland.

elsewhere. links here.

heal the world. make poverty history. ONE.

your say.
"The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion." Prince Philip at the opening of City Hall, 2002.