} rainy days are thought-provoking...maybe

here is what i think happened today (and by today I mean wednesday, 5th of december):
(i was going to draw a comic strip on it but i got lazy so now you'll just have to imagine it.)

God turned on the hose to water the trees, plants etc in Singapore cos they were looking a bit dry, and then He had to go away for a while to do some miracle work and save some lives, and then he forgot about the hose and the water kept running and running.

SERIOUSLY, how is it possible that it rained the WHOLE, FREAKING DAY?

i never got properly dry ever since i stepped out of the house i think, cos for the third time these past few weeks i had to walk through the main gate in the rain, and i was wearing my jacket so it got wet. and it was cold so i kept my jacket on, but it never dried so it was still damp while i wore it, so i was just wet the whole day.

the rain spoiled my plans, i wanted to go to the national lib to get some books on drawing techniques & pictures - anything to help me get started on my portfolio, but it kept on raining so i walked the sheltered way to the esplanade library instead. i thought, you know, arty farty place! sure to have some stuff im looking for! ...WRONG! apparently in esplanade ART only includes film, music, dance and theatre! so i ended up buying a cashcard and emptying it to photocopy scores. sigh.

and then while on the long bus ride home i got quite dry, but after that i had to walk from the bus stop to my house, and it was still raining, so... i was just. cold and wet the whole day. horrible day.

but anyway... grad nite was on monday night.. i have to be honest, it wasnt great. the programmes were...so-so, the food was not as nice as expected.. the venue wasnt even REAAALLY at swissotel.. do i feel cheated? yes. and i had nothing on after the prom itself, so the whole night overall was kind of =/ for me. but it was still nice to see people, take photos that i might cringe/laugh at in the future...

too lazy to upload photos now though, cos i would have to resize them, cos each file is about 3mb and if i just post them here you would have to scroll to infinity and beyond. so maybe next time...

but i think, being at the event, seeing many of the people that i've seen/met in jc so far, it kind of made me think a bit about my 2 years at njc. i will be honest, i kind of partly screwed up my jc life through my own doing, because i was afraid to open up to people. i always had these reservations that i never really realised, and i carried them over as i moved on to jc, and so i never really...opened up. as a result, i didnt bond with my og, or my class. and i regret that, a lot, because it resulted in this awkward relationship with these people that i feel like i should be close to, but im not, so it has an uneasy feeling to it.

but just as i regret not getting to know some people, im also happy with myself for getting to know some others. like people from other classes that i met in my weird-timetable year, fellow weird-timetable people, malay class people hahaha, guitar... =) (that one needs no more elaboration, i think.) but anyway, more sappy things when i post the photos, i think.

and...yeah. i do feel that i've grown a lot during these 2 years. not that i've matured and become some great person, cos theres still a lot of room to grow, but i've moved on, somewhat. i think, most importantly, i learned to be happier. because, like i said, i made some mistakes. but yknow.. you make mistakes, you fall, you pick yourself back up again. or sometimes, others can help you get back on your feet. and you just hope you wont make the same mistake again.

in the past, i used to think that making mistakes, having faults, makes me a sad, pathetic person. like there is something wrong with me. i guess the emo songs and culture didnt help. all those words, talking about hurting and bleeding and screaming and being messed up, you know, or whatever they write these days. i grew into a state of self-pity, i hated myself.

but now i know, that having these faults just makes me a normal person. might seem a bit more faulty than the rest to me, but actually normal. just as how i have fat thighs because im a normal person, because no normal person can possibly resist a tub of ben&jerry's ice cream or a box of chocolates or a big fat deep-fried chicken wing/drumstick (depending on which part you prefer).

i think thats why im suddenly so, so sick and so against all this emo-indie-bands trend thats going on. they're telling people that they have the right to feel hurt, that they deserve to be sad and in pain, when in fact we all deserve to be happy.

ok i just went totally off-point and that had nothing to do with prom haha. oh well. will post photos and possibly another boring monologue another time because ellen is on NOW. =) hahaa.

2007-12-06, 2:24 a.m..
before } after