} a time for change

my parents have stopped rallying us all to church on sunday. there is no longer the noisy ruckus on the sunday mornings of weeks past, my dad's many threats of dumping water on us while we're in bed, the mad scramble for the bathroom when we finally do wake up, knockings on the door, 'HURRY UP!', and then the tense atmosphere in the car as my mum tries to pick someone to blame because my brother is, once again, late for his sunday school class. on some sundays we win, by pretending to be deeply asleep, or by REALLY being deeply asleep, croaking something about coming home late the previous night.

but for the past few weeks, none of that. during the whole prelim period i never went to church on sundays with my family, neither does my sister. sometimes my mum has a class or my dad has a class so they don't go, either. it's not that we stopped going to church that stuns me suddenly, this change that came on so suddenly. it's just that we stopped going together, and my parents have stopped trying to make it happen. is it because we are older? my sister is now 21, soon 22, im 18, my brother turned 12 recently. we have all reached a new stepping stone, the big numbers.

im not sure yet whether im happy with this change. i think im still taking it all in. it feels strange because i hear of how my friends' families have started going to church together, and here we are going the opposite way. and im wondering whether its a good thing. shouldnt the answer be obvious? i duno.

or maybe all this is just a false alarm, and things will go back to how it used to be, soon. haha. i duno.

and...school is ending soon. im still deciding. should i, should i not. it feels incredibly stupid and ridiculous and pointless to do, but at the same time i know i will regret it if i dont. and what have i got to lose? my pride, maybe, but it may not be so bad to lose that...

im very very nervous about the LNAT which is just around the corner, i want to slap myself for signing up for such an early date. but i went to the lnat site, and i saw their sample identification letter from schools, and that helped me calm down a bit. you will see why if you see it: link. i cant help but think that if the people who created the test have some sense of humour, it cant possibly be that bad.

what is it all but a trouble of ants
in the gleam of a million
million of suns?
(Alfred Lord Tennyson)

sorry if this entry sounds weird. i've just watched pride and prejudice (the colin firth one heeeeeeeee =D) and finished reading the time traveler's wife (more outstanding fines, oh well), and im so used to hearing/reading things being expressed so SUBTLY that i might have been influenced a bit. hence none of the usual HAHAHA. ok theres one there but it doesnt count...

speaking of outstanding fines, i just got a letter from the nlb about it, and it turns out i have fines from 2005. oh man. i wonder what will happen if i just never pay it?

edit: I FOUND MY OASIS CD. YESSSSS. i was in my brother's room randomly strumming on my guit and then suddenly i felt like peeking inside his drawer cos im very nosy... read his notebook and saw his discman. and then i had a sudden wave of inspiration. and then i went to check my old discman (for a while i was afraid i gave it to salvation army the last time i cleared my stuff, but i still had it) and LO AND BEHOLD IT WAS THERE. best thing that happened today.

oh and my parents paid for my outstanding fines. hooray!

2007-09-30, 10:10 a.m..
before } after