} doubtful, but hopeful

the fight is on.

before every major exam, i have a habit of first organising the unorganised piles of papers/books/etc on my table into organised piles of papers/books/etc. but never have i done it the very day before the start of the exam. today is a first. and God, i am scared.

there is something about the GP paper tomorrow that scares me. maybe its the feeling of unpreparedness that is now crawling up from the bottom of my stomach. maybe its the fact that its the prelims, and it's a make-or-break thing.. maybe it's the way the exam just crept up on me all of a sudden. i knew it was coming, but i didnt know it was coming THIS fast.

today feels strangely stretched - the earlier part of today feels very far away, like it happened a few days ago (i can barely remember what we went through during gp class today, oh my goodness), while this very moment feels much too close to tomorrow. or is this just the way i panic, haha.

or maybe, its just the pressure. the pressure of doing well, again. the trouble is, and i say this very truthfully, that i dont have much confidence with the subject at all. its like a game of bridge, to me. there are strategies but sometimes im just luckier than usual. last time i struck lucky. i dont know if i can pull it off again this time. and the thought scares me to death.

and this time, i dont have weeks of preparation to assure me that i at least have put in as much effort as i can. i dont think i have. but there is no more room for regret.

i guess you might be thinking, gp? who the heck studies for gp?? ...and i guess that only goes to show how unconfident i am at it.

but anyway. like i said..the fight is on. its time to make it, or break it. jiayou everyone. i know you can do it. =)

just wana end off by posting (again) this quote from Stranger Than Fiction (which i unearthed from within the unorganised piles of papers/books/etc today):

"Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin.. or a kind and loving gesture.. or a subtle encouragement.. or a loving embrace.. or an offer of comfort. Not to mention, hospital gurneys, and nose plugs, and uneaten Danish, and soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things - the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties which we assume only accessorise our days are, in fact, here for a much larger and nobler cause: They are here to save our lives.

2007-08-29, 7:54 p.m..
before } after


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