} leaving on a jetplane (not really) (the song is just in my head)

it feels weird to be filing my notes & worksheets the day before guit camp. feels like im packing to go somewhere far away. haha. i wish. =/ i just finished, sort of.. only maths is left partially unfiled cos i need to get a humongous ring file first.

i had a fight/quarrel/argument with my mum today, actually its been going on since the parent-teacher meeting.. (the one time i remember to give my parents a letter from the school, i get screwed. i hope i forget the next time, and just leave it in my file to rot until the end of the year, like i usually do.) i was just telling her that i would be off to camp for the next 2 days, and she went mad. =| not crazy mad, angry mad, haha.

i dunno, she just wants me to TOTALLY and COMPLETELY focus on studying now. which i think is crazy and unreasonable. i know the reasons behind her stand, i guess. first of all, she's right to say that my results for CT1 weren't that great, and i havent really been showing the motivation to improve. i cant help it though, its just the way i work. i know and realise my own mistakes, and mentally i know what i need to do. i just dont think its necessary to mug 24/7 just for common tests, cos i know that would just lead to burnout..even before the important exam. but i know thats what she expects of me now. maybe she can do it, maybe other people can, but i certainly cant. and wont.

and the other reason is probably cos her own character differs so greatly to mine. she believes in getting the best, in succeeding. but i've found that i dont really care much for that sort of thing. i dont have the drive to over-achieve, i have little ambition or talent, im not even good at communicating with others and sometimes i dont even have the will to improve in things that i do like to do. i guess i'll just end up as a loser in the future, haha. =)

and its frustrating cos i cant see this fight/quarrel/argument ending anytime soon. maybe after a levels. or maybe it will stretch until after uni, when i go to work, etc etc... i mean, of course it wont be like some endless feud, it will just be... little things popping out here and there. but i already feel tired just thinking about it. =|

ok anyway i've been typing/complaining cum stoning for 20 mins now and i should really get started on packing for the camp..

...

ok i just finished. =D

and i feel so packed and ready to go somewhere i dunno what else to do. =D haha. maybe i should sleep.

2007-06-05, 12:01 a.m..
before } after


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