} unresolved but not uncertain

I've been watching the anime Honey & Clover. In essence it's somewhat similar to Fruits Basket, but I like this one more simply cos it's more touching without being too emo, it's funnier, and it's more realistic. The story deals with a bunch of normal college students.. although they deal with everyday things pretty extraordinarily (to me anyway), like playing a dangerous game of Twister to celebrate someone's birthday and going on a self-discovery trip on a bicycle.

on a surface level, the anime made me feel apprehensive about studying art. at the same time, it made me want to do it, more than anything else. It's really a complicated paradox which i also dont really understand...

but on a deeper level, the anime contains a lot of meaning... so much that its a bit painful just thinking about it. how is it possible that ONE series can deal with practically everything about life? im appalled and inspired. (in fact, the main character's 2-month bike-ride self-discovery journey inspired me to consider a journey of my own... further elaborated on my LJ blog.)

well anyway. i took a personality test, taken from anita's blog. basically i have INFP personality, cant remember what it stands for really, but it sums me up as an Idealist. which is a bit depressing if I think about it since it implies that my ideas would remain just...that. ideas.

i tell myself time and time again to stop taking personality tests because 1. im indecisive and therefore take a long time to answer each question, and 2. these tests basically are just trying to CATEGORISE people into...categories (sorry my vocab is powderful as you can see), like how you organise things into different boxes, and i dont really believe in that. cos people are too complicated to be put into different boxes, unless you have a few billion boxes each for one person in the world.

but today i realised another reason why i should really stop my obsession with personality tests. its because i tend to look for comfort in the test results, to deal with the uncertainties in my life. as though im asking the test result to say to me, don't worry about your life, you're an INFP so you will form few but strong meaningful relationships and be a good team worker in your career...etc.

on a related topic, i think i constantly need to be reassured. which annoys me. i want to be more independent, so i can have others depend on me.

by the way, the test result also said that INFPs only form 1% of the total population... oh my, no wonder i always feel so alone. =P but seriously, its a pretty scary thought.. to think that its hard to find people who can understand me. it makes me appreciate the friends that i have now, but on the other hand there is also the knowledge that we will all go our separate ways one day. even now i can feel the currents changing.

2007-03-10, 8:04 p.m..
before } after