} taking that leap of faith

supposed to be doing arenes tutorial & econs homework, but taking a break now. i have been doing homework every night since school started, which is a new record for me. hooray! for once i'm keeping to my new year resolutions. although maybe i shouldnt be too happy yet, i might start slacking by next week or smth.

one of my neighbours has started to play drums. or maybe someone just moved in. i have no idea. anyway its kind of cool. i also have a neighbour who plays the saxophone, which is also quite cool, although i have never seen him/her before. its quite sad that people can live so close to one another and yet hardly ever meet. that's why when i grow up i want to rent a room in one of those big houses where the owners rent out their rooms to other people, and everyone has meals together and everything. i think it would be quite fun, assuming i get along with everyone.

today's Guidance & Counseling (not GC as in graphic calculator, which is what many people thought) period was about stress and dealing with it. and i think i will just be wasting my words if i go on describing it cos im sure everyone in singapore has gone through at least 1 lesson about stress. well anyway. halfway thru the lesson i suddenly had the thought, what if im actually under stress all the time? now it sounds kind of ridiculous, but come to think of it, i think its possible. this is cos i keep having to make a lot of decisions everyday and im very very bad at making decisions, and whatever choice i make i almost always regret it afterwards. i think the regret is what causes the stress. i regret a lot of my actions but i hardly ever know how to fix them. that kind of causes stress too.

well anyway. so i thought, what if im actually always stressed, which means that im never stressed? as in, im so used to being stressed that it doesnt become a problem at all? haha. in a way it sounds like a good thing but i realise its really not, i think this is why i have cold palms almost all the time. and i feel choked up all the time, like my abdomen is always under tension. although i strongly suspect that its because my school uniform is too small for me, because it was my sister's, who is shorter and a lot skinnier than me.

so maybe, after 2 long paragraphs, my problem is just that i need a new school blouse.

anyway, while we are on the subject of my sister... i think i have a serious inferiority complex.

why? she can fit into a size 34 blouse, i cant. she goes out almost everyday, i am an incompetent loser. but most of all, while she can confidently grab opportunities, i only watch them pass me by. i think that has been my one greatest regret ever. i seriously need the courage to step out of my comfort zone. this year i really want to fix that. i dunno if i can but thats what i want to do.

2007-01-09, 6:52 p.m..
before } after


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