} honestly confused

got back most of the promo results on friday... and im super grateful. really really. especially for physics, cos i jumped 4 grades, aha! =D studying really does pay off. seriously as i was doing my last-min studying i only hoped to get a D for phy and pass all other subjs... and my actual results are really a lot more than i could have asked for.

thank you God.
thank you teachers.
thank you friends.
now i will pat myself on the back a bit.
*pat*
ok.

hmm anyway the following part is gg to be completely irrelevant to the part above..

sometimes i feel like i dont know who i am. i wonder if anyone ever feels that way? anyway, yeah. i really dunno how to describe it though... a bit like, im all scattered in many pieces, and all i really want to do is to lock myself away so i can put everything back together. but no matter what, everything goes on, and i have to get up and face the world anyway, although im still scattered and incomplete.

in some instances, i leave my Confidence behind... and in other times, i forget about my Consideration and Humility. so im forever mixed up. like i've got only two arms and too many things to carry and i keep dropping stuff.

i dunno if that even makes any sense, but since im on a roll, i might as well go on.. well do you ever feel like you want to be known? im sure everyone does at one point or another. everyone is naturally insignificant but thats why each of us wants to stand out and be recognised & appreciated. we want other people to know us, understand us. and being a normal human being (most of the time) naturally i also feel like that..

but at the same time there is also a strong feeling to hold back. i guess it might be the fear of being rejected? or something like that. but i think sometimes i also feel like, because of the incomplete...ness... its like i feel so mixed up, and i dunno who i am, so i dunno how im supposed to act & what im supposed to do. sometimes my actions lack sincerity cos im still figuring out what im supposed to do.

haha i think that made even less sense. oh well.

anyway, enough with the confusion. =P i think i might be getting myself even more mixed up...

well anyway. i sort of promised wanting that i would try to 'evangelise', as in tell people about God and stuff. but i have completely forgotten about it. so before i forget again, im just gonna do a little sharing on this blog. however im not a very devoted christian and I have never done this before, so if any Christians disagree with the stuff I put here pls refrain from commenting and just regard me as a bad example, haha.

well, pple always like to ask, right, Why am I here? what is my purpose? and i believe that the thing about religion is not asking What is MY purpose. rather it is recognising that there is a purpose which is bigger, so much bigger than just one person on earth.

and, well, Christianity is just one of the ways which you can work towards this Purpose. as Christians we believe that God created the entire world, including us, and we were made to take care of one another as well as of the rest of creation. and there is a very long and complex history after this part which is readily available in the Old Testament in the Christian Bible.

however the only aspect of Christianity which i personally regard most highly, and which i try to follow all the time, is the one teaching that Christ tells his disciples: Love your neighbour as you love yourself.

so everytime you are kind to someone, even if its the smallest act, whether you are a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist, agnostic, free-thinker, chicken, cockroach, or something else, as long as you show compassion to others, there is a bit of God in you.

oops it think i sidetracked a lot and i didnt evangelise properly at all. im supposed to encourage people to join the church, right? haha. whoops.

but seriously, i really do feel a warm feeling of peace whenever i go to church. its like an hour's worth of being with God, and i really do feel like there is only me and God in that place, and i can just tell him whatever i want, and hope for strength, and pray for peace, and stuff like that. so... yeap, its really very good and i strongly recommend going to church if you ever feel like just having some quiet time, even if you are not thinking of becoming a fully baptised Christian and everything.

haha sorry, but thats the most of evangelising i can do. =P

oh well. going to take a quick shower and hopefully will be on time for the kickoff (man utd vs liverpool).

2006-10-22, 7:08 p.m..
before } after