taken from suhui:

"...very bogged down by this. hurt, even, I think, because the truth that people don't see you the same way you see yourself hurts."

yeah.

and now im still trying to find myself. my identity. i have been trying to blend in so much that im now invisible, colourless and more and more boring. even scary, maybe? because i have become more reserved than ever. im even starting to scare myself.

everyday im watching my back. its so tiring. yet i cant stop myself from doing it.

what do i do?

i dunno. i dunno if i even have the ability to think for myself anymore.

btw i am not looking for pity. or concern. so pls dont show any. really. im going to sound like an ungrateful asshole, but seriously. every sign of concern only makes me feel weaker. if you know me you would know that thats not what i need right now. thanks.

sorry for the serious entries.
i sense a good week coming though, so i should be back to my lame and easily-amused self soon.

2006-07-30, 10:11 p.m..
before } after