} bbrrffffllpp

wow. november is already gone... i cant believe how fast time is passing. and yet the o levels seemed like centuries away... blahh. it really sucks. suddenly the holiday doesn't seem very long anymore. i've never wanted december to pass more slowly. im actually half dreading christmas.

im scared of going to a new school. im scared i wont be able to fit in. im scared i wont be able to make friends.. scared of being left out, alone. scared of leaving old friends and memories behind, scared of starting everything all over again. it really sucks.

on the other hand it might be a good thing that i have a whole new start, maybe i can do better than in secondary school, better person and everything. maybe finally learn to start revision sooner (though it probably wont happen), be friendlier to people.. not so judgmental...

i dunno man. when i want to think about it positively i would tell myself that it's not a big deal, starting in a new environment is just one of those things that i have to get used to... but every time i think of moving on i get such a terrible achy feeling in my stomach and my head that doesnt go away unless i preoccupy myself with something else, like reading or eating. but afterwards the same feeling would return, just like how you would feel guilty if you haven't been studying and exams are around the corner...

i keep getting the feeling that i need to do something, but i keep delaying, yet i dunno what it is.

i dont feel like shopping for christmas presents (partly because i have had enough of shopping recently to last a lifetime), or making space in my table for new schoolbooks, or whatever... cos i dont want to admit that the year is ending and i have to move on. for not the first time in my life i just want to STOP TIME. rah.

oh yeah by the way today is World Aids Day, hence the little banner at the side. -->

I dunno what the heck you're supposed to do on world aids day but i just thought i'd spread the word.

2005-12-01, 6:38 p.m..
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