} crossroads

grad nite was fun. tiring, feet-killing, but fun. took pictures, ate good food, stayed over at a nice hotel with friends = ideal night out. and all the brudders, who initially considered turning up in suits, wore skirts/dresses in the end. it didnt feel particularly fantastic but it was quite fulfilling, plus now i have a brand new corduroy jacket. haha.

and last night makes me realise, you can never know anyone well enough. for the past few days/weeks, i have been realising that i dont really know a lot of people. as if im seeing them for the first time or something...

this morning i couldnt sleep properly (i said morning cos we were sitting at macs until past 2 am before we got back to the hotel) so i kinda lay around thinking for an hour or so before the alarm clock rang and everyone 'officially' woke up. i dont think i went very deep la, but i..considered a lot of things. and so i've decided:

1. i cant hate/dislike anyone, for any reason, before i know them well enough.
2. to receive love, i must give it first. because if everyone keeps waiting to receive, no one gets anything in the end. likewise if i want to know more about someone i got to take the trouble. not expect them to come to me.
3. being myself is enough. i cant hope for universal popularity.

i thought that i knew myself, but i think i am only seeing part of the whole picture now. this part is the very afraid one. i dont even know what it is like to be myself. i guess i just have to do what i know/think is right.

well.

now i have to mull things over, cos i got a jc to decide. bah. now the ultimate question is: do i really want to travel 2 hours a day to go to a jc in which i dont know anyone, and which im not even sure im gonna like? ......

---------------------------------------

(in my head)

a life without taking chances
is no kind of life at all
you've got to stand up for something
even if you might fall

2005-11-25, 2:44 p.m..
before } after