} only one

im trying, fighting to find acceptance again. i forgot about it momentarily when i was so caught up with so many things.... but inside, subconsciously, its still there. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i only want to give off my all. somehow my mind cant understand that.

i keep thinking, and thinking, trying to find the right answer all the time, but in the end it all comes down to nothing. why do i have to make things so complicated? i think so deeply yet im so shallow. i hate it.

im sorry. im sorry.

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my brother's goldfish seem to be having some kind of weird disease. their fins and tails look dull and rough the way a dog's fur would look if it was sick. and one of the fish's eyes have some kind of white growth on them...its blind. they're not eating. they're not moving much. their colour is off too... too red for normal goldfish. like they're bleeding internally or something. my hairs stand up when i imagine them.

its really really freaky. my brother screamed like he saw a ghost when he saw the blind fish... because the eyes were just black but there was something white growing on them. argh. cant take it. ironical how i can stand seeing mangled human bodies, but not this.

only my fish is ok. i hope Nop (my fish) wont die. im starting to get attached to it. anyway i hate it when pets die. its so sad. :| i imagine the little thing suffering and dying and i would feel like i didnt take care of it and protect it enough.

im scared. im very very scared. what if the disease is contagious??

mass practice today was quite fun... :)) suddenly 4/2 seemed to have more spirit than 4/1.. for today anyway. we were so noisy. singing loudly & almost out of tune. hahah.

sentosa was fun. :) didnt play enough soccer though. only for like a few minutes. played rugby & messed around with the sand. i suck at rugby cos im scared of injuring people. and i got sand into yvonnes eyes. i swear i should have stuck to playing soccer. or at least.. kicking the ball around. i can hardly call what i do 'soccer', it would be an insult to the sport. maybe pe lesson will make me better, haha.

cant wait for next week. i hope suhuis aunty is going to make prawn rolls. :DD going for dim sum tomorrow.. then going to novitas house. for a date. haha just kidding. i wont let even sunday school ruin tomorrow. :|

well i have hardly any family to celebrate cny with so the next best thing is too... MOOCH OFF FRIENDS AND FAMILY'S FRIENDS AND EVERYONE ELSE POSSIBLE. like tomorrow. my mums friend is treating us to dim sum. HAHAH. i hope she wont regret it. im not even going to eat breakfast tomorrow. *devil horns*

i think i misplaced my chocomania tickets. grarrghh.

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Only One - Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
and i cant
i cant pick up the pieces
and i've thrown my words all around
but i cant
i cant give you a reason

i feel so broken up
and i give up
i just want to tell you so you know

here i go
scream my lungs out
and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
but theres just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only, my only one

made my mistakes, let you down
and i cant
i cant hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and i cant
i cant get up when you're gone

and something's breaking up
i feel like giving up
i wont walk out until you know

here i go
scream my lungs out
and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
but theres just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only, my only one

here i go
so dishonestly
leave a note for you
my only one
and i know
you can see right through me
so let me go and
you will find someone

here i go
scream my lungs out
and try to get to you
you are my only one
i let go
but theres just no one
no one like you
you are my only, my only one

my only one
you are my only, my only one

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goin for a walk now.

2005-02-05, 7:29 p.m..
before } after