} failure

"...every few years there is still a case, and as the parties tell me what the trouble is, the flat air in my office suddenly washes in wit the green scent of the sea, the dust in this air is blown away and the thought comes that in some Caesar's year, in Calabria perhaps or on the cliff at Syracuse, another lawyer, quite differently dressed, heard the same complaint and sat there as powerless as I, and watched it run its bloody course."

i wish i had done something.

there are times when i felt that i dont deserve to be a leader. that im not playing the role of a leader.

but now i realise... i had been given so many chances to step up. but i never did. and if that's the case, then im nothing short of a failure.

i failed as a leader.

we all like to believe in the concept of one family. but if any of us really believed in it with a passion, like he does, then we... would have done the right thing.

i didnt follow my instincts. instead i lay awake intending to drown my thoughts in sleep.

i wish i had more initiative... and follow my conscience... rather than my own selfish wants.

if i were to list out all my mistakes from the very beginning... i dunno if i can come to an end.

i dunno what im going to do without you, but although letting go is hard it's really time we do it on our own. i just wish i could grow up a little so i can fulfil my own promise.

cos i decided.. a long time ago.. that arc really rocks...

and i dont want to be the one to change that.

2004-12-05, 9:28 a.m..
before } after