} Fuck. Damn it. Fuck.

That's it. It's all over.

My mum KNOWS. She knows where about the oekaki board I go to, she knows about the folder where I keep all my drawings, she even knows about the stupid drawings I put in my school file.

That's it. I'm through. I'm really pissed off by now. I'm deleting all my work in the computer. I'll just finish up whatever I have left to complete (I do drawings for other people) then I'm done. Goodbye doodling Internet life.

Seriously. The message just can't seem to get through that THICK NUMBSKULL of hers: FUCK. OFF. I don't care whether she's found about about this diary too, I even HOPE she's reading this. GET IT??? FUCK OFF. I can't wait for the day when I can just get out of this forsaken place and live on my own without fucking people like my mum bothering me and my art.

Why does she keep wanting to snoop into my personal life anyway? Hey, it's MY life. I'm not her freaking three-year-old that she has to keep watching over anymore. It may be a bit early to say that I'm a 'big grown-up' now, but it's also a bit LATE to say that I'm her widdle sweetie girl.

Honestly. I draw and spend a lot of my time on the Internet to AVOID her. To get away from her. Seems like out of the frying pan, into the fire, now.

She found out about my oekaki stuff, of course, through my brother. From now on, I won't refer to him as my 'brother' anymore. I'm referring to him as 'the seven-year-old idiot who happens to live in the same house as me'. How she came upon my computer folder is my own fault, stupid me. She was supposed to download something from the MOELC site, something that she needs to fill in. A contact form or something. And then she asked me where I usually keep my stuff, so she can save it there. Stupid me, I told her. So now she knows. She would've spent all those glorious hours with me away in school looking through ALL my stuff.

God, I really feel like throttling her now.

From now on, I will only doodle in school. And drawing on the computer will be kept strictly in my room or anywhere as long as nobody else is around. I'll destroy all evidence that I actually draw... all evidence that she might notice, at least. I'm through. I'm pissed off. I feel like killing someone. Literally.

Faith said during PE today that I'm becoming like Bernadette. Well, if getting murderous thoughts is part of that process, then maybe you're right. But you're most probably wrong, cos I still find politics boring, so SHUDDUP.

God, I just feel like snapping at everyone right now.

My mum, she herself, told me just a few minutes ago...she knows all about it. She knows where I'm keeping my stuff. I knew then that it's all over. My secret is blown. I don't doubt her, because she's had so much time, when I'm in school, to talk to my bro (who's the only person who knows all about my art on the Net), to search through my every single file.

God, I'm so pissed off, I could cry. I don't think I can ever stand looking into my mum's face ever again. Ever. You may be thinking how stupid this is, all my ranting, and I'll probably forget all about it tomorrow, but this hit me really bad. I used to have the comfort that there is one thing I can do that no one else will know about... no one offline. Except my bro, who I thought I could trust. I'm stupid, OK? I was wrong about a lot of things. Well, right now I just want everybody to die and burn in hell, OK? I don't care how you feel, I don't care what you think... I feel like screaming. Or at least doing something to let it all out.

Please leave. Now. Don't bother signing my G-Book. Please. In fact, if you do, I'll delete your entry, and that's that. So I sound like an emotional pig, but why should I give a fuck. I just feel like being left alone right now.



2003-04-22, 9:46 p.m..
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